SHREK Audition Monologues

THE DONKEY

Once upon a time there lived a king and a queen, who were rich, and had everything they wanted, but no children. The queen cried over this day and night, and said, I am like a field on which nothing grows. At last God gave her her wish, but when the child came into the world, it did not look like a human child, but was a little donkey. When the mother saw that, her cries began again. She said she would rather have had no child at all than have a donkey, and that they were to throw it into the water that the fishes might eat it.

The king said, no, since God has sent him he shall be my son and heir, and after my death sit on the royal throne, and wear the crown. The donkey, therefore, was brought up and grew bigger, and his ears grew up high and straight. And he was of a merry disposition, jumped about, played and took pleasure in music, so that he went to a celebrated musician and said, teach me your art, that I may play the lute as well as you do.

FIONA (to recite, not sing)

I had nothing in that tower
Fighting boredom by the hour.
Princess lonely, walking circles
I had only...
an army cot, a hot plate and chamber pot, and every morning I
would boil it.
Just a view of nothing
out one window. Alone in my bedroom.
And very little headroom
Twenty years I sat and waited
I’m very dedicated
On the walls the days were added
Luckily those walls were padded!
So...
I think I got you beat...

FARQUAAD (to recite, not sing)

Once upon a time
this place was infested.
Freaks on every corner.
I had them all arrested.
If you had a quirk,
you didn’t pass inspection.
We all have our standards,
but I will have perfection.

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